Real Presence

I have been having a spiritual fantasy lately. One in which I enter a dim, quiet church. I kneel to light candles and offer prayers. I sit in a pew in silence. I pray. There is quiet ritual among the clergy, broken by the biblical recitations - first the Hebrew scriptures, then the New Testament, and then bowing to the cross for the Gospel readings. The fantasy is in response to a recent spiritual longing I feel in reaction to our traditional church service. I am no longer completely fulfilled by church and want to reach toward God in new and different ways. God is pushing me beyond what I have become most comfortable with. Right now, I can feel God most while reading the Bible, listening to Christian music, and during Communion. My style of prayer has changed from an incessant list of concerns to leaving more space to quietly listen for God. This does not mean I will leave church, I know I need its rituals and rhythm. But I also recognize my desire to expand.